some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
