When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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