Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You can't motorboat a personality
We named our party play list daddy issues
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
