I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
