my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she smelled like a LAN party
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
