i was rollin on her like bob the builder
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
