So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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