You're completely useless in the revolution.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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