I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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