My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
