I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
