i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
