Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
