hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
