bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
