Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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