11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
