Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
