too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
