put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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