somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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