I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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