I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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