white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
