she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
