when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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