Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
