I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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