I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
