You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
