you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
