Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize