I smell stomach acid.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
