he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Four minutes until I can fart!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
