just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.