I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.