Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
COCAINE IS GR8
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?