Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.