Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
