My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
