I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
