True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
