I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
