her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
