Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
