Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize