Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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