That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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