Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize