How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
