You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
