It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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