About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
