i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
