that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
