Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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