Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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