look no pants
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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