the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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