this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
