you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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