dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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