all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
