Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
