I CAN MOONWALK!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
