he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
