i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
